Milestones

Tomorrow morning at 10:23 Scarlett will be a week old. Wow time flies, and it drains this mommy. She's doing really well. She had to have a blood transfusion this morning, because they had to draw blood several times a day to make sure everything was okay. She opened her eyes yesterday (03/23) and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen all over again. 
This morning they were able to remover her ventilator and put on a CPAP breathing apparatus. CPAP, or continuous positive airway pressure, is a treatment that uses mild air pressure to keep the airways open. She's been doing really well on it today, but it's new so sometimes they have to turn her oxygen concentration back up. She finished her doses of Ibuprofen today to close her PDA, and we have an echocardiogram tomorrow to see if the PDA is closing or at least getting smaller. The PDA is the blood vessel that allows blood to bypass the lungs in the baby in the womb. They don't need the blood to their lungs, because the placenta does the breathing for them. In full term babies, it usually closes as soon as they take their first breath. In preemies, it usually needs medical treatment. If the echo doesn't show that its at least getting smaller they will try another round of 3 doses of ibuprofen. If it doesn't close after the 2nd round she may need surgery to close it, which will put her back on the vent. So pray we get good results tomorrow.

I got to hold her for the first time today. We cuddled for an hour and it was amazing. It felt so good to hold her and talk to her and sing to her. I told her she had so many people praying for her, she is a very special, loved little girl. She was so peaceful and quiet. I really think she's going to be a calm happy baby, because her fussing is minimal in here. 

I get a lot of messages telling me how strong I am. I am not strong. Scarlett is strong. I am weak, I breakdown, I feel guilty, I'm hard on myself. She is my strength. God is my strength. Ben is my strength. My family is my strength. Each and everyone of you that sends me kind words, or prays for her is my strength. But I alone? I am weak. 

Last week I asked God "Why me?" And I asked it in a negative tone. I didn't understand what I done to deserve this pain. This week I ask God "Why me?" in a reverent tone. I don't understand what I done to deserve such beauty and love. And God let me stumble upon this poem to tell me why I was chosen to be her mother. 

Hello World

Peekaboo!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Cuddling with Mommy

My mommy loves me so much

She's the best pillow!