I'm sitting in your NICU room with Ma and GiGi (or grandma, whatever we decided to go with). I could not be more proud of you. I'm so blessed to be your mommy. You're the most beautiful strong little girl I've ever seen in my life. We are both so very loved by our family.
I started a letter the week before you were born and I never finished it. So I'm going to write it here, and then finish it out so it's whole for you. Here goes nothing..
You probably won't read this for a long time, and when you do, you will realize you have a forgetful mommy. Or maybe it was just because I was so sick, that I didn't write more letters. I lost 15 pounds total, but I'm sure by the time you read this I've told you a billion times. I'm so excited for you to be here (now it's to be home)! I've already got so many plans for the things I want to teach you.
I want to teach you to be the type of person who always gives more than she takes. The kind of woman who grows up beautiful, strong, and fearless. I want to give you the freedom to grow and become your own person, but to know that my arms and heart will always be open for you as a home and a safe haven.
There isn't anything in this world you can't do baby, if you put your mind to it. You've already fought so hard for this life, no one is more deserving of it. I want you to look on this world with fresh eyes everyday, and see the beauty in it. When you do see the ugly, I want you to figure out how to make it beautiful. God blessed us with this world.
Speaking of God, I want you to know that he is always right there with you. In every test in your life, every triumph, every heartbreak. God is right there. He gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. Always remember he loves you, and he's always the friend you need. Cry out to him, cast your cares upon him. I know he can take it, cause he's taking mine right now while you lay in your incubator.
Be who you want to be. If you want to drink wine, drink it. If you want whiskey, go for it. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for making the choices you think are right for you. You are unique to yourself, always be your own person. Don't copy others, be the kind of girl others want to copy.
But do it in moderation. I can personally attest that bad decisions come from too much. If you feel the need to have more than you should, do it around people you trust explicitly, that you know will take care of you. Don't do it in public where you will make a fool of yourself, or worry about a ride home, or go home with some random boy that won't remember your name in the morning.
Always have respect for yourself. Carry yourself with dignity and grace. If the boy is worth it, he will wait. He will take care of your heart. He will come home with you and shake your daddy's hand. And your daddy will hate him. Until you find him, hold yourself aloof, make them work to get into your heart, and NEVER LET THEM IN YOUR PANTS!
Always believe in true love and the power of it. When he makes your heart skip a beat, when you crave his touch or kiss, when you know that he would do anything in this world for you, even die for you, then that's how you know. But don't ever compare your love to the love of anyone else, not mine and your father's not what you see in the movies. It is uniquely yours, and when you know, you know in your heart.
Educate yourself. Find a purpose or passion for your life. Mine is family first and animals second. Find what makes you happy and do it over and over and over. Travel the world, but always come home.
Always treat people with the respect you want to be treated with. No matter their age, color, sexuality, etc. Everyone has feelings. Their choices are their choices, as yours belong to you. If it doesn't hurt you, then it's none of your business. Always be cautious, but give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to believe people are good until they are proven bad. So everyone you meet, grace them with your beautiful smile. That goes for animals too, always treat them with respect.
Have a sense of humor about the things that happen to you. Nothing is sexier than a woman who can laugh at herself.
Don't ever grow up. I don't mean in the traditional sense. I know I wish I could keep you as my child forever, my beautiful little girl that I can shelter from the world. But I know that isn't how the world works, my little caterpillar, must grown into a beautiful butterfly. What I mean is don't let the child inside of you grow up. If you want to ride the horse in front of the store at 23, do it, lord knows your daddy does. If you want to jump in the bouncy house, do it.
Okay this is a really big deal. Riding with the windows down, and the music blaring, singing at the top of your lungs will fix anything, I promise.
But most importantly, always remember that I love you. There is nothing in this world you could ever do to make me stop loving you. You hold my whole heart in the palm of your hand, and there is no one in this world I love more. You are the most beautiful blessing of my life. I can't wait to hear you laugh, to watch you take your first step, to see you beaming when you achieve a goal you've worked so hard for. You are my life's true wonder, and I'm so proud that God chose me to be your mommy.
Forever and always yours,
Mommy
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