Hands

Dear Scarlett,

I've already told everyone I have an obsession with your feet,but I found a new obsession...your tiny little hands.

It is the sweetest thing to bring your little fingers or little palms to my lips and shower them with sweet mommy kisses. What's even sweeter is how much you seem to enjoy it. You seem to make a game out of it. And I love it. Sometimes you will stretch those little fingers towards my lips, pushing your little fingers at my lips so I can lay on the lovin'. Then sometimes you decide to ball them up so I can't get to them. And if I'm not paying attention, like now, that little hand does the jazz hands and starts waving in the air. So freaking cute..

But all this love of those tiny sweet hands got me thinking of all the things those hands will do.

One day those hands will feed you, and I no longer will. I'll probably be happy the first time you hold your bottle, so I can fold laundry. But later that night when I put you down to sleep, and you're holding that very bottle, tears will probably come to my eyes, because my baby is growing up so fast.

One day those hands are going to reach in your diaper and smear poop everywhere. And I'll be so frustrated cleaning it up, muttering ugly words under my breath so you don't hear them and repeat them. And when I get you out of the shower, and I see your sweet smile, I'll smile too, but I'll know it's time for potty training.

One day those hands are going to pull on your very own puppy's tail, or ears, or fur. You're going to be best of friends, your first best friend besides mommy. And you're going to run out in the yard to play with your puppy, and I'll be sad, because you won't be playing with me anymore.

One day those hands will be holding a book, carrying your mind to some wonderful place you once only dreamed of. And I'll smile, because you've gained my love of knowledge and the power of a good book. I'll cry happy tears, because I was once told my micro preemie may have developmental disabilities, and here she is, smart as a whip.

One day those hands will wrap around your hairbrush, singing some song to your adoring audience of one in your bedroom mirror. And I'll smile, reminiscing on my childhood doing the same thing. Then I'll cry, because you kick me out your room, embarrassed I was 'spying' on you.

One day those hands will grab the hand of your date to your first dance, as you walk down the steps to his mom's car. And I'll smile, because you look so beautiful, but I'll cry, because you look so grown up.

One day those hands will crank up your first car and put it into drive. I'll smile, because you're getting your first taste of complete freedom, and I'll cry waiting up for you, praying you make it safe.

One day those hands will take your high school diploma from your principal. And I'll smile, because you worked so hard and finally reached your goal. But I'll cry, because that's the first step towards losing my baby.

One day those hands will use a key to open your first place of your own, whether it be a dorm room or an apartment with your friends. And I'll smile, because you're so independent, but when I get home, I"ll cry because I'm so scared for my baby to be in the great big world without me.

One day those hands will put to use what ever skill you choose for your life. I'll smile, because you're living your dream, and if I cry it will be tears of joy to see your happiness doing what you love.

One day those hands will wear a ring placed on your finger by the man (or whatever makes you happy) you love, and they'll wrap around your daddy's arm as he walks you down the isle to give you to that man (or whatever makes you happy). And I'll smile and cry at the same time, because I'm losing my baby to someone who makes her happier than I could ever dream of.

One day those hands will be handed a baby of your own. I'll smile, because you finally know the most pure beautiful love in the world. I'll cry because I'm a grandma. (take that however you want)

One day those hands will hold mine as I say goodbye for the last time. I'll smile because I'm going home to meet my heavenly father. I'll cry because I know how much you will miss me and need me.

There is one thing those hands do now that they will do forever more, that will never change. And that my dear is hold my heart in their palm. I smile because I love it, I cry because I love it.

I love you,
Mommy